As Generation Z abandons online dating and Millennials struggle to recapture the golden days of social media, dating apps are helping older singles redefine feelings of connection in the digital age. The rise in older singles joining apps has much to do with “reducing the stigma of dating later in life,” says Justin Garcia, a sex researcher and executive director at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute. In just a few decades, North America has experienced “massive changes” in courtship behavior.
Garcia says one particular shift is the result of what he has called “reverse intergenerational transmission.” The flow of family or social customs is typically top-down, but in online dating it is bottom-up. “We transmit information and knowledge from generation to generation, but what we see in dating is the opposite. Children and grandchildren are making their parents and grandparents aware of dating apps and helping them understand the new courtship rituals in today’s world.”
There was one It was a time when Wendy felt guilty for having her own desires. She was born in 1952. Everything was aimed at men’s satisfaction and pleasure. Then came the 1970s, a time of rebellion and independence. “We burned our bras and screamed for women’s liberation,” she says, “but inside, in many marriages and in many bedrooms, nothing had really changed. Things are very different now in many ways. Now my gender is mine and can no longer be easily given away to a man.”
Dating apps have become the go-to place for older singles to explore growing sexual appetites, but they also serve as more than just a virtual meeting place. They have helped give seniors new confidence. Wendy, who asked to be identified only by her first name for privacy reasons, was married for 40 years. Now 72, she lives in Hampshire, a county in southeast England, and began using dating apps after her divorce. “I was very depressed,” she says of the wound left by her breakup. “A family member practically recommended that I join Feeld because it was great for them.”
Online dating has since given her a new perspective on life – and a way to regain the control she lost. “It’s no longer a ‘show’ of faking orgasms to make your partner happy. It’s about going for the real deal – sensual, that is, not in the “in love” sense. I fell in love with myself and gave myself permission,” she tells me. “I can’t describe what a radical change this is for me in terms of the rest of my life before Feeld. It sounds dramatic, but it’s really my experience.”
Although older singles are more open to love on dating apps, part of their success is due to them being “more rigid and a little more certain about what they want and don’t want,” Garcia says. “For many, this is not their first rodeo. The concessions we can make in our relationships [when we’re younger]People over 60 have no need to make such concessions.”