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The right framework is essential when communicating with managers. It allows you to set clear boundaries and expectations, which improves your ability to advocate for what you need and often leads to better results.
The best frameworks are simple but effective. You need something that people can internalize, memorize and repeat. I know this because I developed one myself: a scale with three modes that I have passed on to countless colleagues over the past few years. Almost everyone I have shared this framework with says it has been extremely useful to them.
I call it The three communication modes for managers. This will help you improve your conversations with the people who oversee key activities and employees in your organization.
Unclear communication leads to unfavorable results
This idea came from personal experience. Years ago, I was reporting to the CEO of a startup and mentioned that I was frustrated with another team member. After I told my boss, he talked to the team member in question about it – something I neither expected nor specifically asked him to do.
I was immediately embarrassed when news of this finally reached me. I felt like my self-confidence had been hurt and was upset. The next time I spoke to my manager, I asked him why he spoke to the team member in question.
“Well, you told me about it,” he replied.
I was upset, but later realized I shouldn’t have been. The actions my manager took were not what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure what I wanted to tell him or what direction I wanted him to take.
Based on this incident, I developed three simple rules to optimize communication with managers. These rules are extremely simple, but they work at virtually every level of leadership in every organization.
Related: Why middle managers are a company’s hidden superpower
The three communication modes for managers
The next time I spoke to my manager, I explained that I had developed three different modes to categorize the experiences I shared with him. I also explained that I would structure future conversations by determining in advance which mode he should use.
The three modes are as follows:
- Mode one: I want you to listen but not do or say anything. You just hear me freaking out. I’m going to tell you about something that’s probably difficult and you need to stay calm. This allows me to express my feelings while helping you understand my challenges and ensuring confidentiality.
- Mode Two: I want you to listen and tell me what you think without doing anything. I’ll probably explain what happened to me and how I feel about it. I may even ask you for advice or feedback, but I don’t want you to take any action on my behalf. This allows me to grow by solving my own problems and encourages ingenuity, which is an important indicator of entrepreneurial success.
- Mode Three: I want you to listen and I want you to act. In my experience, this mode is rarely used – I reserve it for situations where I know I can’t solve a problem on my own.
This last mode is the opposite of delegating a task to an employee. Instead, ask your manager for help. It may be even more difficult, but it is just as important.
Related: 5 delegation strategies to help you succeed with less stress
Clear communication requires courage
Using this framework, the most important thing you can do as an employee is to identify which problems require mode three. When you have a problem you can’t solve and need help, it takes humility and skill to recognize it. That can save a company – and I don’t say that lightly.
Knowing when to “share” and ask for help is an art form. When I worked at Square, 180 people contacted me. I didn’t have the time to read every line of code they wrote, but I needed to find out if there was a problem with the coding and who was involved in solving it.
It was important for the people reporting to me to take stock of their problems and make informed decisions about which problems needed my attention. It’s like knowing when to see a doctor or a lawyer – you have to know when to seek professional help.
Related: How to Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable No Matter How Old You Are – Lessons for Entrepreneurs
When working in senior management, almost everyone has an ego, so this is even more difficult. But it takes courage to put your pride aside, and I have always believed that venturing beyond your comfort zone is essential to personal growth.
Remember: Being clear about what type of communication you need makes it easier for people to say the right things and take the right actions. I’ve provided you with a possible framework for these conversations – now it’s up to you to put it into practice.