When it comes to royal scholarship, few grace television screens quite like Roy Keane.
Never far from an iconic line or a crushing defeat, the former Manchester United and Republic of Ireland midfielder has become a mainstay on channels such as Sky Sports and ITV for his everyman performances and – of course – his stressed-out nervous breakdowns Whenever the Reds are about to implode devils.
With that in mind, here are the occasions on which Keane has told the public what he really thinks.
“As long as he’s not breastfeeding, he should be fine.”
Roy, then Republic of Ireland assistant coach to Martin O’Neill, saw no reason for namesake Robbie to miss a game after his wife gave birth to a baby boy.
“Giggsy won’t be on my team.”
“Oh, really…really?”
Ryan Giggs is hardly everyone’s favorite thing, but Keane’s reaction when Jamie Carragher left the Welshman out of the combined Liverpool 2020 and Man Utd 1999 starting XI showed him at his most baffled.
After watching Man Utd blow a 3-0 lead and almost lose the FA Cup semi-final to Championship side Coventry – with Antony adding a few pathetic antics – it was hardly surprising that Keane ran out of patience his old team lost side.
“[Harry] Maguire was interviewed after the game and said: “We showed great character.” I don’t see any character in this group of players, I really don’t. I’m getting to the point where I almost don’t like them anymore.
Eesh.
“Robertson, what a baby! What a big baby…baby!”
It was certainly strange to see an assistant referee elbow a footballer, but Liverpool defender Andy Robertson didn’t fool Keano, who repeated the word “baby” until it was met with loud laughter in the Sky box.
“Away from home our fans are fantastic, I would call them the hardcore fans. But at home they’re having a few drinks and probably the prawn sandwiches and they don’t realize what’s happening out on the pitch.”
Keane was not happy with the support of Man Utd fans in a must-win Champions League clash against Dynamo Kiev in 2000. They fought their way to a 1-0 win but Keane went ahead anyway after home support, suggesting they were more focused on the bougie snacks on offer.
“I don’t think some of the people who come to Old Trafford can spell ‘football’, let alone understand it.”
Man of the people? Yes, that’s Keano!
“Not only today I think that with his ball throws, his headers, whatever it may be – in front of goal he is the best in the world – but in terms of his general game for a player like that, it’s so bad… he needs to improve.” This.”
Saying that a robotic goalscorer has the general ability of a second-tier player is probably a battle Keano won’t win. Erling Haaland scores goals for Manchester City and will score goals until he ends his career.
Maybe Keano simply has a point of contention with the Haalands? We’ll come back to that in a moment…
“It went to his voicemail: ‘Hi, it’s Robbie – whazzup!’ Like the Budweiser commercial, I never called him back, I was like, ‘I can’t sign that’.”
Legend has it that Keane was interested in signing Robbie Savage when he was Sunderland manager but was immediately put off by the Welshman’s voicemail message.
To be fair, he is right.
“If Ole came in here now, I’d grab him and say, ‘Why are you playing Fred?'”
Brazilian midfielder Fred had his moments at Man Utd but often left something to be desired in the middle of the park, a position Keane knows a lot about.
The Red Devils spent almost £50m on Fred but Keane was rarely impressed by what he saw.
“I’ve had a lot of times where if I wasn’t running in a game, I’d think, ‘You know what, I might run someone over,’ just to make myself feel better.”
Man Utd could do little more in November 2021 than succumb to superior neighbors Man City, managing just one shot on goal in a 2-0 defeat.
His vengeful and premeditated swipe at Alf-Inge Haaland was a little different and more reprehensible, but Erling’s father wasn’t the only player to suffer a hefty Keane reduction over the years.
“Maguire! And De Gea!”
Roy understood the UK’s urgent need for entertainment when Project Restart began during the Covid-19 pandemic. As luck would have it, he was called into action in the 1-1 draw with Tottenham by some unconvincing goalkeeping and defensive displays from David de Gea and Harry Maguire.
His harsh words about the Spaniard – “I’m fed up with this goalkeeper” – were challenged by Patrice Evra but Keane stuck to his guns and labeled De Gea the most overrated goalkeeper in the world.
“Who do you think you are, holding meetings about me? You were a shitty player and you’re a shitty manager. The only reason I have any business with you is because you’re somehow the manager of my country and you’re not even Irish “you English bastard!”
Keane has some icy relationships with his former managers and there is absolutely no love between the Irishman and Mick McCarthy, who led them to the 2002 World Cup.
Unless you are familiar with international politics, you will know that relations between England and Ireland have not always been smooth, to say the least. Keane made that abundantly clear with that iconic defeat at the hands of the former Wolves boss, although the midfielder was frustrated in other areas before eventually exploding.
Ah, sure. Isn’t that the way of the modern world?