Tom Brady is one of the most beautiful people in the world and almost inarguably the best football player in the history of the universe.
So it seemed confusing to many observers when Netflix announced it would air “The Greatest Roast of All Time,” a live comedy special simply aimed at various celebrities throw away the quarterback.
What is there to waste anyway, right?
When this Tom Brady roast aired on Sunday night, the answer became obvious:
Brady’s divorce from Gisele Bundchen.
The athlete and supermodel split in 2022, with Gisele explaining at the time:
“It is with great gratitude for our time together that Tom and I have amicably finalized our divorce,” the iconic fashion and beauty mogul wrote.
“My priority has always been and remains our children, whom I love with all my heart.
“We will continue to do that [co-parent] to then give them the love, care and attention they truly deserve.”
The former spouses appear to be on good terms… but Gisele also appears to be dating her karate teacher.
And let’s just say that made for A LOT of material in the aforementioned roast.
The moderators were merciless.
Aside from Kim Kardashian being booed on stage, the many (many!) jokes at Brady’s expense about his breakup and Gisele’s rumored new romance have dominated headlines since this special wrapped.
In case you missed them or want to relive them, we have compiled the best Tom Brady divorce jokes from the list below…
Kevin Hart referenced how Brady left the New England Patriots and head coach Bill Belichick, saying:
Sometimes you have to fuck your coach. Do you know who else screwed the coach? Gisele. She screwed that karate man… One of the smartest quarterbacks to ever play the game, how could you not see that coming?
Eight damn karate classes a day? Eight karate classes a day… and she still has her white belt. The only bruises she had were on her butt. Everyone should have known.
Jeff Ross said:
Give it up for the lord of the Super Bowl rings, my friend Tom Brady. A man who has so many rings he could melt them down and forge a sword to go on a quest to get Gisele back from that jiu-jitsu teacher.
Drew Bledsoe joked:
Look, buddy, you’ve got more rings than me, but I’ve experienced a few things you’ll never experience. The feeling of being the No. 1 draft pick in the NFL… and a 28th wedding anniversary, it was yesterday.
Nikki Glaser amazed the room with:
Tom, the only thing dumber than saying yes to that roast was when you said, “Hey baby, you should try jiu-jitsu.” That must suck. How much it would suck – oh my god if I only knew that your ex-wife’s new boyfriend could beat your ass while you ate hers.
We give the last hilarious and brutal word to Andrew Schulz:
Tom, you became the GOAT because you became the fiercest competitor on the planet. Tom was once asked which of his rings was his favorite and he replied, “The next one.” Sorry, that’s a Gisele quote. My mistake. That was Gisele, that was definitely Gisele.
They remind us that no matter how big you get, how successful you are, how much you accomplish in your life, you can always become a twice-divorced nutritional supplement salesman in Tampa, Florida.