These Are Your Most Important Plans for Avoiding Traffic Tickets

Contrary to what people say about sticking the keys in the dashboard (or dropping them on the floor for motorcyclists),

DO NOT DO THAT!

Why not? Because it just screams to the officer, “I WAS Sick, and I’ve done this before!”

It’s just stupid behavior.

The following has worked for me about six or seven times in a row over the last 31 years, all on a motorcycle, once for going too slow! (There were no traffic violations during this time and I was pulled over once after exceeding 110 mph for a full 30 minutes in Death Valley!):

1) As soon as you see the lights behind you, turn on your right turn signal and look for a SAFE place to stop. You don’t want to put yourself or the officer in a dangerous spot on the road;

2) Once you have stopped, roll down the window and turn off the engine (and definitely the radio!). Switching on the hazard warning lights is optional and not required. DO NOT reach for anything in the car. Remove sunglasses when wearing them and keep your hands on the steering wheel. DO NOT get out of your car unless the officer orders you to do so, in which case do not resist getting out (although this is unlikely in the event of a traffic violation);

3) If the officer is at the window, be POLITE! Yes, I’m telling you: “Respect their authority!” Force yourself to be really polite. If you feel even the slightest annoyance or hostility, you can hand over your credit card right away. If you have a legally carried firearm that is being transported legally, let the officer know. (For example, I believe that in California, in a non-concealed carry situation (e.g. at a firing range), the gun must be unloaded in a locked case in the trunk of the vehicle.)

4) Answer their questions, but DO NOT admit to any violations or crimes. And also DON’T lie about things – they’ve heard all the excuses before and they have good internal lie detectors. And DO NOT consent to a search of your vehicle or its contents, regardless of whether you have any type of theft;

5) Be respectful, but do not apologize (never say the word “sorry” if you can avoid it) nor be submissive (“Yes, officer, I understand your point of view and you are absolutely right. “For “old” people: Don’t be Eddie Haskell.);

6) 99.99% of the time they will ask for your driver’s license and registration (and I believe some places require proof of insurance?). Assuming you have it, tell the officer where it is and that you will retrieve it. Do not make any sudden movements or hinder the search for the items (e.g. leaning over a handbag or backpack). If you don’t have the documents, depending on the officer, that could be a real problem for you;

7) If you get away with a warning, THANK the officer and tell him you will be more careful/”call back”/whatever;

8) If you receive a traffic ticket, DO NOT become aggressive or abusive, as this may well result in you being handcuffed in the back of a patrol car or a series of fatal bullet holes in your body.

THIS is how you do it.

For BIPOC: You’ve probably had some training (or at least a lesson from your parents) on how not to become a statistician, so your approach may be different. I’m sorry for the racist and generally insensitive LEOs you may encounter.

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