By Chris Taylor
NEW YORK (Reuters) – It’s hard enough caring for elderly parents with multiple siblings helping out.
Sometimes there is only you.
Just ask Michael Hausknost. The Long Beach, Calif., financial planner is helping his 90-year-old mother, Eva, move from an assisted living facility to a facility that specializes in memory care.
Hausknost’s father died many years ago. His mother’s other relatives live thousands of kilometers away in Europe. At this point, Eva has no money other than Social Security checks.
This means that everything related to Eva’s care, from the emotional to the financial side, falls directly to her son.
“There’s no one else,” says Hausknost, 60. “It’s literally just me.”
This is a situation that more and more Americans are facing as only children cope with the challenge of caring for aging parents.
That’s because family size is shrinking, according to the Census Bureau. In fact, the latest numbers from 2022 show that 19% of American women ages 40 to 44 have only one child – the highest percentage ever measured in this category. In 1976, however, it was 9.6%.
“It’s just kids popping up left and right asking me about these topics,” says Joy Loverde, elder care consultant and author of “The Complete Eldercare Planner.” “Everything is at stake for them, especially their own careers and financial stability.”
Here are four ways only kids can prepare.
START EARLY
If you only have to care for elderly parents without the help of your siblings, then you need to think about how to deal with it as soon as possible.
“I started planning for it 20 years ago,” says Hausknost. “I knew there was longevity in my family, that my mother wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and that she didn’t have any money herself, so I saved accordingly.”
And that’s a good thing: His mother’s current arrangements are about $6,000 a month for the “bare minimum” room and board, with other tasks (like administering medications) pushing the price up from there drive up.
AVOID RAIDING YOUR OWN SAVINGS
If your parents have nothing and you have no choice, like Hausknost, that’s one thing. But impacting your own family’s financial future is the last thing you want to do.
“If you start reaching into your own pockets, you may be disqualifying them from state and federal programs by coming in and paying for everything,” Loverde says.
Instead, be thoughtful and creative about using your parents’ own resources first – be it their own savings, insurance like long-term care insurance, or the family home.
There are many options, including selling a home and downsizing, taking out a home equity loan or line of credit, and taking out a reverse mortgage.
Try to maintain your own career
If you’re your parents’ safety net as an only child, it may be tempting to give up your career and become a full-time caregiver.
But stepping away from the workplace, even for just a few years, can have very damaging long-term consequences – and once you leave the office midway through your life, it can be difficult to return.
Additionally, if you stay at your job, you may be able to take advantage of benefits programs that may include elder care, family leave, counseling, flexible schedules, and other useful benefits.
“Check with your employer about what options are available to you if and when you need to take on this role, and talk to them even before there are signs that help is needed,” says Loverde.
FIND HELP
Being an only child doesn’t mean you have to deal with all these complex problems alone.
First, consider whether friends or other relatives—cousins, aunts, uncles—who also care deeply about your parents can help with time, money, or both.
Second, put together a professional team to help you overcome the challenges ahead. This includes a financial planner to determine the path of money and an estate attorney for important documents such as power of attorney or healthcare powers of attorney.
Third, get involved in support groups so you don’t have to handle care all on your own. A great starting point for resources of all kinds: The Eldercare Locator, a public service of the Administration for Community Living.
Hausknost says, “Even if you’re an only child, it’s foolish to think you can do everything yourself.”