Being human means being lonely at some point in life, but there is an important caveat: we usually think of isolation and loneliness as a psychological experience of adults or teenagers, rather than something that happens to young children. But a new nationally representative survey of 1,000 girls commissioned by the Girl Scouts of the USA (GSUSA) provides compelling evidence to the contrary.
In the survey, almost two-thirds of the youngest girls aged 5 to 7 said they felt lonely. This percentage increased with age; Almost three-quarters of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 felt the same.
While the survey didn’t examine factors that contribute to girls’ loneliness, experts say parental isolation and screen time in the household likely play a key role. According to the US Surgeon General’s 2023 report on loneliness and isolation, social connection in general appears to be declining. Social networks are becoming smaller and participation in community organizations is decreasing.
“[W]“We have to recognize that it is a reflection of what is happening to our adults,” said Dr. Christine Crawford, deputy medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), on the survey results.
Although NAMI was not involved in the survey, the nonprofit is working with GSUSA to provide mental health resources for girls, staff and adult volunteers.
Crawford, who wasn’t surprised by the survey results, said when parents and caregivers aren’t connected to a community or network, their children often also lack similar opportunities. She noted that adults are lonely for a variety of reasons, including because they may spend more time in front of screens than cultivating personal relationships.
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Why young girls can experience loneliness
The survey reached girls by contacting their parents via email asking them to complete the survey in March 2024. Parents whose children were not yet old enough to read commented on the questions and filled in the answers.
Sarah Keating, vice president of girls and volunteer experience at GSUSA, told Mashable that the organization surveyed girls on the topic after hearing from troop members over the past few years that mental health was their biggest concern.
The survey found that as loneliness increased with age, girls’ confidence also decreased. Only 73 percent of 11- to 13-year-old girls said they believed in their ability to “overcome challenges,” compared to 86 percent of girls ages 5 to 7.
Keating said feelings of loneliness among the youngest girls may be related to how much time they and their families spend in front of screens.
A Pew Research report on teens’ and parents’ screen time released in March found that nearly half of teens said their parents were “at least sometimes distracted by their phones” during conversations. Roughly the same percentage of teens reported being online “almost constantly.”
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While the Pew report did not cover younger children, data collected by Britain’s communications regulator Ofcom found that children ages 5 to 7 are increasingly online. Three quarters of them use a tablet and almost a quarter have a smartphone.
“Everyone is in their own room doing their own thing,” said Dr. Whitney Raglin Bignall, associate clinical director of the Kids Mental Health Foundation, who was not involved in the survey. “In many ways, the family is not as connected as it once was because of the distraction.”
How to recognize loneliness in young children
Raglin Bignall said that while loneliness is a normal feeling, too much of it can be harmful. Isolation is a risk factor for anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts or behavior.
Although parents may be on the lookout for signs of loneliness, Raglin Bignall said it can be difficult to spot in younger children because they may not be able to express that they feel alone or appear content when they are are busy with an activity. She pointed out that it is important for parents in general to teach their children how to feel and communicate emotions on a regular basis, and not just when they suspect something is wrong.
NAMI’s Crawford recommends parents pay attention to changes in their child’s daily life. If they are usually happy and engaging but often become bored, withdrawn, or refuse to attend school or social activities, that is a sign parents should not ignore. Sleep, appetite, energy levels and academic performance do not change either.
When a child has difficulty communicating their feelings, they may be angry, irritable, and prone to meltdowns. Crawford said this is a way for young people to express their distress, especially if they don’t have a history of tantrums.
Children who talk about being a burden to others or feeling like no one cares about them or that they don’t want to be alive should be evaluated immediately by a trusted health care provider because they may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, Crawford said.
She urges parents who fear their child is lonely not to immediately assume they are lonely, as they may be facing a different challenge. Instead, Crawford recommends that parents approach their child and talk openly and curiously about what they have observed, which may include frequent crying, reluctance to go to the playground, or increased distance from friends.
What to do if your child is lonely?
Crawford said when a child says they are lonely, parents should first ask what would help them feel more connected. They may have simple answers, such as going for a walk with their parents or visiting a relative’s house. Parents can also suggest things to help them feel less alone to model coping skills for their child.
The GSUSA survey found that most girls of all ages would rather be creative, go outside and play, or spend time with their families rather than sit in front of a screen. Parents who learn that their child is lonely might begin by evaluating screen time for both the child and the family and look for ways to prioritize personal experiences instead.
Crawford said parents should also consider whether their children’s activities are focused on social connection or achievement. For example, consider a youth soccer team that focuses on technical skills rather than learning how to work together as a team and communicate with others. For a child who feels lonely, a team that builds on the individual experience can leave him or her feeling isolated, even in the presence of other children.
Raglin Bignall recommended parents share with their child what a healthy friendship looks like and talk to them about social challenges they might face at school or on the playground. The Kids Mental Health Foundation has a library of relationship-related resources for parents, including articles on how to help kids make friends and how to help kids who feel like they don’t fit in.
Raglin Bignall said she hopes the survey results remind people that young children can be severely affected by chronic loneliness and that parents can proactively address it.
“People need to belong, we need to adapt and we need to connect with other people,” she said.