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It’s funny you ask, because the Financial Times has actually teamed up with His Majesty’s Government to offer a special discount service to subscribers. Yes, we really value premium subscriptions. If it just could be that easy. Of course, if it were that easy, the current government would have done the deal with the Daily Mail or the Telegraph.
Although now that I think about it, Boris Johnson has knighted some former Telegraph colleagues. I’m really bitter about it. I spent ten good years at the Telegraph, working in the same room as Bojo and even buying him the odd coffee, not even a British Empire Medal.
But to answer the question. It will cost you dearly. As always, you can pay in cash or as a political benefit. Monarchs distributed baronies in exchange for money to favored courtiers and allies who they trusted to raise an army for them. Back then you got a title with serious land, whereas today the best you get is a good table at 5 Hertford Street. I would have said that got you a booking at The Ivy, but pretty much every suburb has a booking these days.
You need to be clear-eyed about this. Do not think that you can get away with good works or promoting humanity. This route is highly overrated. Of course, you could do something of real value to society, like winning a Nobel Prize for science, but if you don’t combine that with a TV series, you could still be labeled with a knighthood or a CBE. In any case, the “Good Job” or “Excellence” path may not do justice to your strengths.
So there is no guaranteed way, at least since Lloyd George became so greedy that selling titles of nobility became a crime. These days you can’t even count on being the first son of a hereditary peer, which probably explains why career officials never talk about it in school. Even the cash route can now only offer correlation, not causation. It comes with a lot of public scrutiny, and the days when you could simply become Treasurer of the Tory Party and, quite by chance, enjoy a promotion like Lord Ashcroft, Lord McAlpine, Lord Fink, Lord Harris, Lord Kalms, Lord Spencer, Lady Meyer came and are over. Lord Marland or Lord Cruddas. It’s still a decent route if you can afford it, but you’re talking about years of giving and securing donations.
Political service is probably the most reliable route. Being a former MP or getting a job in Downing Street can often pay off. When you worked for Liz Truss you only had to work seven weeks, and Johnson was generous with the gimmicks too. Parties also need a base of like-minded people who will vote when told. So if you become a major council leader you might get the approval, but you have to ask yourself: is it worth all those planning committee meetings? There are plenty of councilors out there who have nothing but a broken marriage and an MBE for their problems.
There are other paths: the higher civil service, the cabinet, the big corporations, the judiciary. A quarter of the Church of England’s bishops make it into the Lords, which has a very good chance if you don’t mind giving up your Sundays. But these are long distances and I have the feeling that you are in a bit of a hurry.
I don’t want to sound too cynical. There are many good people in the Lords, but the ways encourage much that is wrong with the system. However, if we stick to this method, perhaps it makes sense to auction a few titles every year. It would be transparent and bring in useful money for public finances.
At the moment, Labor sees the safer path for a few years. Labor will want to increase its numbers in the Lords. However, if you aren’t active yet, you probably missed the first cut.
But don’t despair. You don’t even have to join the party. Find out if you can identify Keir Starmer’s favorite cause and become a significant supporter. Good causes or government-backed projects are a less tested route. Demonstrate your willingness to take on other public roles, participate in a government audit, or lead a social initiative such as a new school. Nothing is certain, but play so well and your journey from helmsman to nobility will begin.
Send Robert an email at [email protected]
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